Black and Blue
by renruta
Summary: Hotch has always silently struggled with the aftermath of each case. Through helping a friend find her place again, can he find his own inner peace? This story begins after Emily Prentiss returns to the BAU after the Doyle arc.
1. His Escape

**A/N – This is a Hotch/Prentiss focused fic, so you've been warned from the start! I'm not 100% sure if I'm going to leave this as a little one shot or if I'm going to continue and expand it through-out the process of Emily's return to normality and the potential progressing relationship between Hotly. Let me know if you think I should continue it! The name of the story comes from a song by Chris Garneau – Black and Blue. It's a great song so you should check it out on Youtube! Enjoy!**

It had been a long and stressful case. He needed to unwind. He needed to try and cool down the fire in his veins after spending ten days in a reasonably large town in Wyoming - trying to hunt down a killer. In his opinion, the worst kind of killer – the kind who focused their sadistic killing instincts on children. Children being victimised has always been a sore spot for him, it is probably a sore spot for every human being with a decent sense of morals. Something about a child being in pain tugged greatly at his heart-strings, that feeling only intensifying after the birth of his own son. Knowing that his child could easily be one of these hurt children kept him in a constant state of panic. A quiet and controlled panic that never showed on his face but clawed at him from within. He's sure that this panic is what will kill him in the end.

He had tried everything to try and calm this inner turmoil – watching Jack sleep peacefully and more importantly in safety, reading his favourite book, watching his favourite movie, and even, sometimes, alcohol. Nothing worked. Nothing ever completely rid him of his dark thoughts and feelings. No matter how many Unsubs he would personally put behind bars, ten more would be brought to his attention in new cases. Before George Foyet had come into his life, Hotch used to see the positive. He used to see his job as a never ending battle – but as long as he continued to win the fights, the world would still be a safer place even if he never won the war. But since Foyet, more famously known as The Boston Reaper, every case was taking it's tole. Every case took that little bit longer to push to the back of his mind, and the faces of the victims never fully went away. He sometimes wondered if this is how Gideon felt before he left the team for good. If it was, Hotch now felt a little sympathy for the older man.

Hotch was drowning in his own darkness and nothing seemed to be able to pull him from it. Except _her_. Emily Prentiss is his undoing. He never thought he would be that guy, or that she would be that girl – but since her return from his _forced_ grave something had shifted between them. A simple conversation with her could leave him feeling calmer than hours of therapy could. A flash of her dazzling smile warmed his heart to no end. She was like his comfort blanket, and he wanted to wrap himself up in her. He is almost certain that she had no clue about how he felt.

She is probably unaware of how she affected him because she is still too deep in her own dark world of Ian Doyle. There is no denying that Doyle coming for her had destroyed her. Emily was never one to hide, but Doyle had forced her to the extreme of faking her own death in order to get away from him. Her pride was hurt, but emotionally she was scarred too. A part of him is aware that Emily felt guilty for the unravelling of Ian Doyle. Hotch has noticed the signs of her PTSD that she has been trying so hard to cover up. She is, like he had done after Foyet, throwing herself into work and into trying to rebuild her broken life. Although she seems to be coping well enough right now, Hotch is sure that it's only a matter of time before she cracks. He wouldn't fail Emily, like he had with Elle. He would be there for her, in the background if that's what she wanted, but he would be there. He wouldn't let her face her demons alone. His large hand knocked on the solid wooden door, causing an echo down the empty hallway. He heard someone shuffle behind the door before it opened a crack.

"Hotch?" Emily said surprised, her eyes widening a little as she opened the door to her hotel room. The florescent lights from the hallway illuminated Emily's face, and Hotch noticed straight away the look of tension written across it. From his own episodes of suffering from PTSD he recognised that look of tension. The dark circles under her eyes were more prominent after working for the past ten days non-stop. Her eyes were a little bloodshot and the rims slightly puffy and red – he wondered if she had been crying. The image of Emily Prentiss – an Ambassador's daughter, and a strong woman in her own right – crying alone in her, admittedly dingy, hotel room really broke his heart.

"Prentiss." Hotch replied in his normal, even tone – despite his heart breaking for her, he needed to remain the picture of strength. He stayed silently for several moments as he tried to come up with a reasonable and character-fitting motive to be standing at her door after a case had been closed. "Did you eat something before the take down?" He asked her without emotion. "I didn't." He added casually, not wanting Emily to feel self-conscious about her weight. He had noticed, as he was sure the rest of the team had too, that Emily's clothes were loser fitting on her since she returned. And it wasn't a simple 'I've lost a pound or two' loose fitting. She was far too thin – almost in a sickly way.

"I didn't realise you ate, ever." Emily quipped, her humour never failing her. "I didn't have anything, though." She added softly, her stomach growling quietly as if to prove her statement.

"I stop to eat, sometimes." Hotch replied, a rare half smile and dimple forming across his face. "Would you like to join me for something?" He asked her, now leaning against the doorframe slightly.

As Emily tried to think of an excuse not to join him, her stomach rumbled again in protest. "I think I saw a McDonalds on the way in. About five blocks away." She suggested as she stepped back into the hotel room, Hotch following silently, finding her boots and a jacket to put on. She didn't need to see his face to know he wasn't impressed at that suggestion. Hotch was often fussy about the food he ate – He would eat take away, but it always had to be somewhat healthy.

"I think I saw Pizzeria just two blocks away." Hotch replied, a tone of finality laced in his words. Yes, he wanted to see Emily start to eat more – it didn't mean he wanted to see her eat junk food. "You still like pizza, right?" He asked her as she turned around, ready to go. He felt his heart warm as an enthusiastic nod accompanied the smile on her face confirmed this. It was a genuine smile, too. If something as simple as eating a pizza with her could make her feel an ounce of happiness, Hotch would eat pizza with her every night. "After you." He said quietly as he let Emily walk past him. Tonight his work to show her that she's not alone began.


	2. Pizza?

**AN. So I guess I decided to continue this story! This chapter continues straight on from the last. How fast the updates will be I'm not too sure of just yet – College has been kicking my ass lately! Reviews are really appreciated just to let me know how I'm doing, and if you think characterisation (another AN at the bottom of the chapter on this) is okay or not! Criticism is welcomed too – always room to improve! Read, hopefully enjoy, and review! **

"Are you ready to order?" Hotch asked Emily, putting his own menu down on the table. He had known what he wanted to order before they'd even entered the restaurant. With the amount of time his team spent on the road, pizza is something they all ate frequently; his order never varying drastically. That is usually the same for Emily too. She always, literally always, ordered a BBQ chicken and red pepper pizza. But since sitting down and picking up the menu in this restaurant, Hotch had noticed her seriously considering her order.

"Almost…" Emily replied, not looking up from the menu to meet his inquisitive gaze. "Trying to decide between cherry tomatoes or dried tomatoes. Which do you think would go better with Tuna?" She asked him, finally looking up from the menu. "What?" She asked confused as she noticed his expression.

"You always get chicken and peppers on your pizza." Hotch replied deadly seriously, as if it were a topic of most importance.

"I… Wanted a change." Emily shrugged her shoulders. "You know what, I think I'm going to get half and half." She decided aloud. She couldn't shrug off the feeling that Hotch was examining her, though. His laser like eyes were focused on her and her alone. Usually when they would go out to eat the rest of the team would be with them, so Hotch's attention would be divided. But that's not why he was looking at her like he is now. Even when he has other people to focus on, he would let his eyes drift around the room – taking in his surroundings and profiling the other customers. Tonight though, his eyes hadn't left her once – and she didn't need to look up from the menu in her hands to know that. It was unsettling to be this close to him, alone. They never went anywhere alone together. Well, there was once a time that she and Hotch would do things alone together, but not since a couple of years.

Admittedly when Hotch had been injured by Foyet, she had gone to his apartment on several occasions to spend time with him and to help him out in any way she could. Asides from then, they were never really friends outside of work – especially when Haley died and Hotch began to cut himself off from everyone else. Still though, despite feeling unsettled that it was just her and Hotch having dinner together, she felt safe. Not once had she scanned the restaurant to make sure there were no potential unsubs lurking, and she hadn't checked to see where each fire escape was either. Because she knew that should anything bad happen, Hotch would have her back. He always has been there for her when she really needed it. Back when Matthew Benton had been murdered, she had thought that Hotch didn't have her back, when in reality he had risked his career for her. And of course everything she had gone through with Doyle, he had been there almost every step of the way. As soon as he found out about the problem, he made it his goal to track her down in Boston. When he had been told by the surgeons working to save her life that she would recover, he had protected her by faking her death – and then he had gone to higher pay grades to make sure she stayed safe from Ian Doyle. He'd abandoned his mission in Pakistan to return home when Doyle had been captured, and then broke several protocols to save Declan Doyle's life. The more she thought about her years in the BAU, the more Emily realised just how much Hotch did for her, and the team, without wanting or needing anything in return. The man is her figurehead of safety and comfort. Without realising it, Hotch had ordered their food while she was still deep in thought, and now sat across from her – examining her again. "How's Jack?" She all but managed to ask through her embarrassment for getting caught up in her thoughts.

"He's good." Hotch replied, a small smile gracing his lips at the thought of his son. "Excited for Halloween." He added, letting their conversation slip into a comfortable ground for them both. If there is one thing he knew about Emily Prentiss, it is that she doesn't like to be forced into a corner. If he wants to be there for her, to help her through whatever dark place she is currently in, he would have to ease himself into it. Attacking her from the get-go would not prove successful.

Emily's smile brightened at the memory of Jack turning up to JJ's house last Halloween dressed as his father. "What superhero did he decide to dress up as this year?" Emily asked him softly. "Or has he grown out of that?"

"He is definitely still a little obsessed with superheros." Hotch replied. "Batman is flavour of choice this year. Though, it was a tough call between him and Superman." He chuckled quietly at the memory of his son in the costume store, begging his father to buy both costumes. Even though he was thinking of his son, Hotch's mind never stopped turning and figured how to work in Emily's issues to the light nature of their current conversation. "Are you going to JJ's for trick or treating this year?" He asked her casually after taking a sip of his water.

"I am." Emily nodded enthusiastically. "I haven't sorted out my costume yet though. JJ is hell bent on me dressing up if she has to too. I'm sure PG can give me a few outfit ideas if I don't decide on something soon."

"I would make sure to be specific when telling Garcia what look you're going for." Hotch said in a playfully warning tone. "You know what she's like."

"Oh, I will!" Emily laughed. "I haven't forgotten the cat-suit she got me to wear last year."

_Neither have I_, a voice in Hotch's mind said as an image of Emily in a very tight, leather cat-suit flashed in his mind. "Are you still living at JJ's?" Hotch asked once the waiter had left them with their food, his presence putting a pause on the conversation. "Or have you found your own place?" He tried to ask while keeping his voice as emotionless as possible. He knew very well that Emily still hadn't found her own place – more worryingly she hadn't even expressed an interest in doing so. Some would mark it off as a sign of severe procrastination, Hotch on the other-hand knew what it really meant. He had experienced something similar when Haley had moved back into their family home and he out of it. In his case, he put off finding an apartment for a long time because he didn't want to find a new home. His house with Haley and Jack was his home – the only home he wanted. Buying a new apartment, even just looking for one, was as much the same as signing his divorce papers in way of ending his marriage. In Emily's case, Hotch feared it meant she wasn't completely sure about her place in on the team, and in her current life. He worried that she is putting off finding a new apartment, finding a new home, because she isn't fully sure if DC is where she wants to be anymore. Her bright smiles and humorous jokes may fool the others into thinking she's healing, or already whole, but he knows better. He knows what Emily is like, because he is the same. _Put on a brave face_. That's what his mother used to always tell him. That's what people like himself and Emily do – they pretend to the world that all is well, but in reality everything is crashing down around them.

"Uh… Still at JJ's." Emily replied, a little surprised by the question. She wasn't sure why she is surprised though – this is Hotch after-all. Asides from JJ, he's the only person who has asked about her time among the living dead. He's blunt, to the point, and never lets anything go – all part of the reason she adores him. _Although 'adores' seems like a little girly in describing her feelings towards Hotch_, She mentally snorted to herself. She watched in silence as Hotch continued to ignore the food in front of him, staring at her – waiting for her explanation as to why she hasn't yet found a new home. Typical Hotch. "Are you dressing up this year? Rumour had it last year you would be dressing up as Captain Jack. Needless to say we were all disappointed when you turned up casual!" Emily joked in effort to steer the conversation back to Halloween instead of her reasons for not finding a new apartment. Because she knew her reasons would not impress Hotch. He had risked his life and career – which are almost one in the same – to ensure her safety. He had graciously accepted all negativity and harsh words from Morgan and Reid on the topic of her faked death, too. If she were to turn around and tell him that the reason she hadn't started looking for a new apartment is because she wasn't completely sure if she wanted to be in DC or the BAU anymore, it might just be a slap to his face. After everything he has done for her, the last thing she wants to do is to be ungrateful.

"Mmmm. Considering a costume." Hotch nodded quietly, finally tucking into the pizza before him that did nothing to tempt him. "It's a buyer's market, you know." He pressed on, but not forcefully.

"Hard to get mortgages approved though." Emily argued back softly, happy that – for now – Hotch isn't pushing the subject too hard. "Any ideas for costumes?"

"Jack suggested Robin." Hotch smiled as he met Emily's eyes for one of the first times that evening. Those beautiful brown orbs. "I'm not sold on the idea, though. I'm thinking FBI Agent, I have all the accessories." He added sarcastically.

"Thinking outside the box." Emily chuckled, rolling her eyes at his almost awful sense of humour. "Well, if you're still stuck, Captain Jack could work this year." She suggested. "Or Robin could be good too. Especially if it made Jack smile."

"I'm not too keen on the idea of being _Jack's_ assistant." Hotch replied after a moment. "I'll keep it in mind though. Jack's looking forward to seeing you again." Hotch commented, taking note of the surprise written on Emily's face. Something he admired about her is the fact that she never realises how much of an impression she makes on people. After the first time she met Jack, Jack had been a little in love with her. She has that effect on most people, young and old. It's one of the reasons she's such a good Agent – she's trustworthy and reliable. Hotch believes that's why Morgan and Reid are hurting so badly over Emily's faked death and years working with Doyle. Of them all, she had been the least likely to be keeping secrets.

"I… Didn't think he'd remember me." Emily said honestly. "I've only met him a handful of times."

"You made quite the impression with your smiley-faced pancakes." Hotch replied as he thought back to the morning Emily had been in his apartment to make them breakfast. It wasn't long after Haley's death, so seeing such joy on his son's face had been a rare enough occurrence to carve it into Hotch's memory for life. "He always has to have smiling faces on his pancakes now."

Emily blushed slightly at Hotch's words. To hear him speak so fondly about one of their memories – especially one from such a painful time for him – made her stomach flutter. This response she put down to the fact that he is the only member of the team – asides JJ and Dave – who have actively been welcoming towards her since her return. "I… Didn't think he'd remember…" Emily shook her head slowly. "I'm glad he likes smiling pancakes though." She chuckled softly. She wondered briefly if Hotch had told Jack about her death and subsequent return from the grave known as Paris.

"I didn't tell Jack, if that's what you're wondering." Hotch said after finishing another slice of pizza. He could see the wheels in Emily's head turning and knew what she was thinking. "In my mind, you were coming home. It wasn't a wish or a hope. We were going to catch Doyle, and we were going to bring you home. I didn't think there was much point upsetting Jack by telling him you had 'died'." He said seriously, knowing his words were making an impact on Emily, but not knowing just how big an impact.

"Thanks, Hotch." Emily said quietly as she desperately tried to blink back the moisture gathering in her eyes. "For everything." Hearing him talk about bringing her _home_; it made her feel like at least one person wants her back.

The conditioned response in Hotch told him to tell her not to worry about it, or to forget it. But that isn't appropriate now. Even though he needed no thanks or appreciation from her over the decisions he had made, it isn't what she wanted to hear. Or needed to hear. Hotch understood that Emily needs to know that he is aware of her feelings on the situation. She needs for him to know how thankful she is. So telling her not to worry about it would just be brushing off the appreciation. Brushing off what she really needs. "Anytime, Emily." Hotch replied sincerely after a few silent moments. "You know that the team, that _I_, would do anything to ensure your safety. Despite how Morgan and Reid are reacting to your return, they are honestly happy and relieved that you're alive."

"I know." Emily lied, brushing off Hotch's last sentence. He didn't know how Morgan or Reid were feeling. He could hazard a guess, but he didn't _really_ understand their feelings. Emily is all too aware that both Morgan and Reid would be happier if she hadn't returned. They were finally settling back into a normal life and routine when she had come back from the dead.

"Do you?" Hotch asked her seriously. Emily generally has good judgement, but right now her thoughts and emotions are being guided by her strong sense of guilt and shame over the situation. Not to mention her PTSD. Right now, Emily Prentiss is not at full form. Although strong, her mind isn't a strong as it once was, and her compartmentalization skills not fully operational. "Do you know that right now they are thinking with their hearts and not their heads?"

"Hotch…" Emily began but he very quickly silenced her.

"I don't think that now is the time or place to have an in-dept discussion…" _or argument_ he wanted to add. "… about what Reid and Morgan are feeling. But you should know that their emotions are guiding their physical and verbal responses to your return. When the shock is gone, their rational sides will guide them. It just takes time." He added in a softer tone, noticing the frustration written on Emily's face. He had pushed the conversation a little too far, and a little too deep tonight. That's okay though, he is still trying to get a feeling for what will or won't push her too far.

"Mmmm." Is the only reply Emily offered Hotch as they both stood and put on their coats. "Thank you for suggesting getting food." Emily finally broke the silence after Hotch had paid their bill – on his insistence. "I was starving."

"Me too." Hotch replied as he stepped out into the cold night, pulling his coat a little tighter around his body. He could tell that Emily is now a little suspicious of his actions, but it didn't matter. Over time she would come to realise that he's just trying to help.

_AN2. So, some might think that characterisation is a little different to what Canon Hotch and Emily are like. In this story I'm trying to get across that Emily is suffering from PTSD and it's effecting not only how she feels the team now see her, but how she sees herself. I'm trying to keep to the strength of Canon Emily Prentiss, but in this story her insecurities are going to creep in (mostly she just keeps it to herself though which I think is canon!). As for Hotch, in this fiction (key word!) he's had feelings for Emily for a quite some time – in my head since before Haley's death. He never thought he would act upon them but her brush with death has spurred him on to try and develop their friendship in attempt to help her settle back into a normal life, and to try and bring a bit of brightness to his own. At this point in the fic, he doesn't realistically see himself in a romantic relationship with Emily, but his feelings for her are what push him to be there for her. Romance comes later – unbeknownst to them both! _


	3. Wonderwoman meet Clark Kent

**A/N: I'm sorry it's been so long since my last update. I'm having major issues with my laptop at the moment. This chapter is kind of a filler piece. Nothing happens, but stuff does happen. Kind of! Read and please review!**

"You guys look so adorable!" Emily grinned as JJ stepped out of her bedroom with Henry closely in toe. JJ's normally blonde hair was tied up and hidden under a short black wig, her pale skin contrasting with the deep blue of her dress – she made a surprisingly good Betty Rubble. And Henry, little cutie-pie Henry made the world's cutest Bamm-Bamm.

"Wait until you see Will." JJ smirked as her very uncomfortable looking man came out behind her in nothing more than a brown felt 'dress' as he called it. He had not been happy with her suggestion of dressing up as 'The Rubbles' from Henry's favourite tv show. It seems the idea still hasn't grown on him.

"Oh wow, we need to get photos of this!" Emily laughed as the little family stood beside each other, Henry begging Will to carry him.

"Not a chance, darling!" Will drawled light-heartedly as he picked up his son. "And no matter how hard you try to convince me, I'm not bringing Henry out dressed like this."

"Hmmm. We'll see." JJ replied cheekily. "Em, you look great." JJ said as she looked Emily up and down. "Garcia is right; you're a perfect Wonder woman."

"Definitely better than Cat Woman." Emily chuckled softly as she led the family down the stairs. "What time are people set to arrive?" She asked as she peeked out the blinds. She couldn't wait for all the children to start making their rounds of the neighbourhood. Like Reid, Halloween is a favourite holiday of hers, unlike him though she doesn't make people's ears bleed talking about it. All week she had to sit silently smiling at him as he rambled on and on about the merits and history of the holiday. She felt like she couldn't ask him to be quiet. She was just starting to rebuild their fractured relationship, disregarding his love of the holiday would just be adding insult. Although, she had been tempted to tell him to 'shut it' after he'd slipped in the sly dig about Halloween's connection to Samhain and the Celts – making sure he emphasized how well she could dress up. It was an unmistakable dig at how she had 'dressed up' as a whole other person. It hurt hearing him _almost_ tease her about it. If Emily had noticed one thing about Reid since her return from the dead, it was his ability to crack digs at people now.

"Anybody who's coming over for dinner should be here by about seven, or half seven if their time keeping is anything like David Rossi's." She joked. "Hotch is coming with Jack for about five to Trick or Treat with us."

"Oh great." Emily smiled happily. "I can't wait to see Jack dressed up. He looked so cute last year dressed as Hotch."

"Oh I know." JJ all but gushed. "If I didn't have to think that Bamm-Bamm over there is the cutest boy in the world, my vote would go to Jack. It's great to see that his and Hotch's relationship is still going strong." She added seriously.

"A great motivation for Hotch, too, I'd imagine." Emily nodded. "After everything that happened… It must have been a nice feeling to see that he's doing good. That Jack still sees him as a superhero. Although, from what Hotch told me, Jack's making him his assistant now!" She chuckled quietly.

"What have you heard?" JJ asked Emily surprised. As far as she's aware, Hotch and Emily haven't really been alone much lately. In part she believes it's because Hotch wants to show the team as a team. If he, herself, and Emily spent too much time together alone from the others, it might just give off the signal that the team has clicks. That's the last thing that they want or need. Right now the team needs to try and find it's bearings again. It's partly the reason that JJ wants Emily to try and find her own place – not that she doesn't enjoy Emily's company or like having her staying with them – but the other members of their team, their family, need to see that everyone is on an equal footing.

_Shoot_. Emily mentally cursed to herself. She had managed, up until this point, to keep her dinner with Hotch a secret. Not that she felt they were wrong in going to dinner together, it was a very innocent event. But she liked having something to herself that JJ and the others didn't know about. Since her return, Emily's felt like her life has been under microscope. Derek doesn't trust her in the field so he had her requalify with him again – which hurt her feelings. She is painfully aware that the team's dynamics have been a little off too, which she believes everyone else is putting down to her – so they're dissecting her every move during a case. And her personal life…? Garcia wants to know every small detail concerning how Emily is settling back into DC, and as much as Emily loves how welcoming back Penelope is being and how great she is for it – having to explain her every thought and move to regain her independence is starting to grow old. So she'd kept her little meal with Hotch a secret, just so she had an hour or two worth of information that is uniquely hers. "He mentioned it in passing." Emily replied, deciding to lie. It's only a small white lie, so it couldn't hurt right? "Jack is dressing up as Batman and wants Hotch to be Robin."

"Ouch, demoting him from superhero to helper." JJ laughed as she pictured what Hotch's reaction would have been. She was too absorbed in getting the Halloween candy ready for the trick or treaters, and too distracted thinking about what Hotch's reaction was, that she missed Emily's lie. "That had to of cut deep. I can't imagine Hotch dressing up though."

"Well after last year's disappointment, I'm not getting my hopes up for this year." Emily replied with a small smile – happy to not have to answer any questions, and a little bit happy that she'd managed to keep something for herself still.

/

"Could you get that, Will?" JJ called out to him from the kitchen. "Five o clock on the dot." She muttered to Emily who just laughed.

"Never one to be late." Hotch replied dryly as he walked into the kitchen behind an already hyper Jack.

"How did you…?" JJ trailed off in confusion. To her best knowledge, Hotch's hearing is still – and always will be – damaged after the case they had in New York some years ago. "Never mind." She shook her head. "Oh wow, Jack, you look so great as Batman." JJ grinned as she knelt to Jack's level.

"Thanks Miss JJ." Jack smiled back happily at her. "Is Henry here?" He asked looking around the kitchen.

"I believe he's in the living room, hiding out with his father." JJ replied with a laugh as Jack stormed through the house before she'd finished her sentence. "Lively." JJ smirked at Hotch.

"He uh… Dug into the Halloween treats at Jessica's." Hotch replied with a small shrug. "Hyped up on sugar."

"I see he couldn't convince you to some as Robin." Emily said in a teasing tone once JJ had left the room to convince Will to join them on their trick or treating round.

"Mmmm. It wasn't happening." Hotch said with an almost smile. "I _did_ dress up though." He said as he pulled a pair of square rimmed glasses from the back pocket of his trousers and put them on.

"Uh… Hotch wearing glasses?" Emily tried to guess, completely stumped as to what he is supposed to be. She had to admit to herself that Hotch wearing glasses is a good look on him.

"Clark Kent." Hotch chuckled, his two dimples making a rare appearance. He then unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt and revealed a blue t-shirt with the Superman 'S' underneath. "Superman's day form."

"Wow, I'm actually impressed!" Emily said, not able to hold back her giggle. She was surprised by Hotch's attitude. His demeanour change from stoic-boss Hotch to doting-father Hotch still managed to take her by surprise whenever she encountered it – which is a rare occurrence. The Hotch Emily knows from work is almost a polar contrast to the Hotch she experienced when Jack is around. He smiles more, makes jokes, laughs, and is in general far more light hearted. He still has his focus and serious nature, but it definitely fades when he's being a father.

"I actually did come as Captain Jack Sparrow last year, I just left my hat in the car." Hotch joked as he leaned back against a kitchen counter. "You're wonder-woman right?"

"Correct." Emily grinned as she did a quick twirl for him.

"I can't pinpoint who JJ is supposed to be though." Hotch admitted, a mild look of frustration darkening his face. It was this look that made Emily laugh, even when he's just trying to figure out what character JJ is dressed up as, he gets exceptionally serious about it. As if his figuring it out matters to the world at large. "I know I recognise it though…" He trailed off as his racked his mind.

"She's Betty Rubble." Emily said after a few moments, finally putting Hotch out of his misery. "Will's dressed as Barney, and Henry as Bamm-Bamm."

"Ah, The Flintstones!" Hotch exclaimed with a quick shake of his head. "I should have gotten that. Jack loves that show."

"So does Henry." Emily nodded. "Maybe if you had of seen the three of them together it would have clicked?" She suggested, entertained by the literal frustration Hotch was feeling.

"Is Will actually dressed as Barney?" Hotch asked, an image of Will in nothing but a brown dress flashing in his mind. _Well, the Southern boy has guts_, Hotch had to hand to him.

"He is." Emily chuckled. "And it's ten times better in person than what you're picturing now!" She joked as she motioned for Hotch to follow her into the living room.

/

"I still can't get over how great you look as Wonder Woman." Garcia beamed at Emily, forcing her to twirl again. "You look smouldering hot. If this weren't a PG rated party..." She trailed off mysteriously.

"Thanks Pen!" Emily chuckled, "It's all thanks to you, of course. I never would have thought to dress as Wonder Woman had you not suggested it."

"So I've made up after last year?" The blond – who was sporting pink hair tonight – asked hopeful.

"Definitely." Emily smiled at her. "I think Kevin is trying to get your attention." Emily nodded towards him, biting back the laugh that threatened to pass his lips as the geeky male version of Garcia bounced up and down waving his arms. "Too much sugar?"

"He ate all the Halloween candy before the kids came to collect." Garcia rolled her eyes. "I used to find his never ending appetite endearing... Now it's just a hassle!" She said light-heartedly so Emily knew she wasn't truly mad. "I'm pretending to be really mad at him. The quality and quantity of make-up sex positively correlates with how long I keep him worrying about how mad I am." She smirked, face falling only when she heard Hotch clear his throat beside her. If there's one man Garcia knew not to talk about her sex life around – it's Hotch. She grabbed one of the pink cup-cakes, shot Emily an apologetic look, and all but ran from them. Anywhere not near Hotch is a good place.

"She seems to sometimes forget that little ears are around." Hotch said and tipped his head in the direction of Jack who was sleeping soundly in his arms.

"Awh, that is so cute." Emily cooed at the sight of her boss holding his son. If their hair colouring and skin tone weren't so different, Jack would be the spitting image of his father. They shared the same eyes, nose, and smile – even the same facial expressions.

Hotch rolled his eyes at the cute remark. "He's had a sugar crash." He offered as explanation. "We're going to head home. No doubt he'll be up early tomorrow morning to finish off his candy. He'll be bouncing off the walls all day."

"Poor you!" Emily laughed softly. "I can't imagine you trying to keep up with him."

"Well, Jessica will have him most of the day." Hotch smiled at her, a note of cheekiness in his tone. "Hopefully he'll have another sugar crash by the time I get home!"

"Poor Jessica then." Emily chuckled. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning then."

"Mmmm." Hotch nodded his head. "Emily," He said and paused, not noticing the slight shiver that ran down Emily's smile at his use of her first name. She is used to him calling her Prentiss, so when he did use her first name it always took her by surprise. "JJ mentioned that you still haven't found a permanent address?"

"Yeah." Emily sighed, she kept her eye-roll internal. Finding herself a new place to live isn't something she's been looking forward to. Despite the hassle of actually finding a new apartment, and getting a mortgage approved by the bank in this financial climate, the fear of settling down again has been giving her nightmares. Well, it's not so much the idea of settling down as Emily Prentiss again that's worrying and scaring her. It's the fear that, one day, that life may be taken from her again. She has no more skeletons in her closet. No more Ian Doyles to come out of the woodwork and turn her life upside down. So the fear shouldn't be there. But it is. Ever lurking, catching up on her every time the idea of really getting back to her old life properly crosses her mind. Trying to get her life back together her in DC could end disastrous. Part of her wonders if there's any point in trying at all.

Hotch watched on in silence as Emily's defensive wall fell, and her emotions flitted across her facing. The normally closed book was open, and he was reading it all in memorizing as much as he could. He knew all too well that the book would close as quickly as it opened. "A friend of the family is a realtor. He was the one who got me such a good deal on my apartment. If you'd like I'll give you his number?"

"That would be great." Emily replied quietly, although no hint of sincerity in her tone.

"He'll find exactly what you're looking for, and will even get you a good deal on it." Hotch offered, a small smile gracing his features. He knew he wasn't really getting anywhere with her tonight. But he would. He'd press on at her and she'd give in. She'll probably be pissed off with him, but he could live with that. "I'll give you his number tomorrow." He decided. "And if you need any help house hunting, you just need to ask. I'd be more than happy to help you find somewhere. I've probably the freshest experience of the team."

"Thanks, Hotch." Emily replied with a weak smile. She was being sincere this time though. She really was thankful of all the things he was doing for her. "I might just have to take you up on that offer. I can be a bit rash and impatient when it comes to finding an apartment."

"Not a problem, Emily." Hotch replied softly. "I'm more than happy to help. I wish we could have kept your old apartment for you, until you came home. But there was no way we could keep it without raising suspicion."

"I understand." Emily nodded. "I was thinking of moving out of there anyway." She admitted. "The commute to work was horrible."

_A/N2: I considered writing Jack scenes with Emily, but my muse just wasn't with me! Would Jack scenes be desirable to people? If they are I'm sure I can pull them out of somewhere! Let me know!_


	4. Frank James

**A/N – I know, I know, It's been forever since I last uploaded. My laptop which I was having problems with died and isn't repairable. So I lost all my work and had no motivation to write it all again. New laptop now though, and back on track! This chapter takes place not long after the last – week or two at most. So we're in November. Read and review! Criticism welcomed. **

Chapter Four.

Emily made her way up the few stairs from the bullpen to Hotch's office. Normally she wouldn't bring up a personal topic of conversation with Hotch during work hours or in the office, but she needed to corner him now before he had the chance to slip off home. Unfortunately this meant that Emily wasn't thinking rationally. She was pissed off – and all of that is currently directed at Hotch. She knocked on his door, momentarily surprised that it was closed, and then stepped inside.

"Do you have the Denver files?" Hotch asked her, not looking up from his paperwork. He asked her this even though he knew that Emily wasn't coming up to him to discuss work. He had received a call from his friend – Frank James – just an hour ago. Frank wanted to know if Hotch's friend – Emily – still needed help finding a new home. It has been almost a month since Hotch had given Emily Frank's number and she had yet to call him still. Albeit, the BAU has been swamped with a heavy case-flow this past month, but he was sick and tired of waiting for Emily to get things together. The team is still broken – trust has yet to be repaired – and Hotch still believes that Emily moving back to DC permanently will help fix that broken trust. Right now, in the eyes of the others, she's still a flight risk. A home is something that would tie her to here, tie her to them.

"No," Emily replied curtly as she sat down across from him. "I would have that case finished with except I've spent the last half an hour talking to a real estate agent." She said coldly. It annoyed her that Hotch was still scribbling down notes rather than looking up at her. She could tell he was listening at least.

"Frank called?" Hotch asked nonchantly, finally looking up to meet her eyes.

"Frank called."

"Good," Hotch said as he offered a small smile. "Did you tell him what kind of place you're looking for?"

"Yes," Emily replied a little bitterly. She hated how Hotch could make her anger fizzle out by just flashing her a small smile. It was a technique that Emily was unsure as to whether Hotch knew about or not. On a subconscious level Hotch had to know that his smiles could calm her down, because whenever they would fight or disagree over something he would flash his dimples and she would tend to back down and agree with him. "Which was exceptionally awkward because I don't know what I want. I told him I'd have to call him back later."

"You must have some idea?" Hotch asked as he pushed aside the file he had just finished. "Both of your old places were one bedrooms right? One was a condo. Do you want the same kind of place again?" He asked her. Maybe a systematic and direct approach could help her? Maybe if he just talked to her about what she might want he could entice her into actually starting to look.

"Yeah," Emily sighed. "I don't know." She shrugged slightly, not really noticing that all her anger had now subsided.

"Okay. Let's make a list," Hotch said as he grabbed a refill pad from his top drawer and opened on a fresh page. "Location?"

"Has to be close to work," Emily replied as she slouched back in the chair. Relaxing. "Close to a park. Close to a super market. Late night pizza places would be good to have nearby too." She added with a smile.

"So... We're looking at DC or Arlington?" Hotch asked her as he scribbled those two down. "I think Arlington would be a better choice. Cleaner, safer, half an hour commute to here..."

"Is your new place there?" Emily asked him with a gentle laugh. The man held pride in everything, including the place where he lived. She had been told by JJ that Hotch had moved into a small house over the Summer, before he travelled for work, because he thought his old apartment was too small for himself and Jack. Emily had yet to see the place.

"It is," Hotch smiled, returning her laugh. "It's a nice area though, and I can give you all the numbers to late night pizza places and stores. Do you want one or two bedrooms?"

"Two," Emily replied firmly. "I always said after buying my last place that next time I'd go for the two. It would be practical to have a spare. Oh, the place has to accept animals." She added as Sergio flashed into her mind.

"Animal friendly buildings, two bedroom apartment," Hotch said quietly as he wrote this down too. "Elevator, security and doorman." He added to the list and then verbally. "See, if you just give Frank these basics, he can start compiling places for you to view. He's pretty fast too, you could have your new place before Christmas."

/

**A few days later. **

"Jayje," Emily said as she caught up to the blonde. "What are you up to this weekend? I have a few apartment showings and really need someone to give me their opinion on them..."

"Oh wow, really?" JJ asked smiling. "That's great, Em, I'm glad you're trying to find a place. Not that I don't love having you live with me!" She added with a soft chuckle.

"I figure you guys need your space back," Emily smiled sheepishly. "So what do you say to coming with me?"

"I can't," JJ sighed after a moment. "I forgot I promised Will that I'd travel to New Orleans with him to visit his brother. I really don't want to go but with the way things are between us at the moment..." She trailed off.

"Are things still strained?" Emily asked quietly. After spending the last few weeks living with Henry, JJ, and Will, Emily had come to realise that everything was not as good in the family as she had believed. Things between Will and JJ are definitely strained – mostly because of JJ's return to the BAU and the subsequent long working hours.

"Don't worry about it., Emily said forcing a smile. "I'm sure you'll have... An interesting time." _Great_. She had no idea who to ask with her now. Realistically she knew that she needed to take somebody. She always felt that it's important to have a second opinion when what you're buying is as important as your future home. If she didn't have someone to point out the pros and cons of each place, she would probably buy the first apartment she visited. Emily knew that Morgan already had plans this weekend, as does Dave. Last time she had brought Garcia shopping with her, she had spent a fortune on clothes she would never wear, so that crossed her off the list. And Reid? Her relationship with Reid was still too strained to even consider asking him. That left her with Hotch or her mother. She wasn't quite sure which would be worse. If she brought her mother along with her, Emily would spend the day listening to her mother critique how she was living her life, and probably wouldn't find an apartment that lived up to her mother's standards. If she asked Hotch to accompany her... Well, that sounded equally painful but for entirely different reasons.

Hotch has this strange ability to make her talk. Without very much effort on his part, he persists until suddenly she's telling him all the things she wants to keep secret. It's why she's been avoiding him a little lately, and why she avoided him as much as possible when Doyle came out of the woodwork last year. Of all the team, Emily knew that Hotch would have been the first to notice that something was going on with her. She also loathed to ask him for help. Asking him to accompany her to look at apartments is just the same as asking him to help her settle back into life here in DC. She wanted him, more than anyone else on the team, to believe that she was already settled. Already whole. Hotch's opinion of her was worth far more than anyone else's. Since their strained start when she originally joined the team, getting Hotch's approval on things had become one of her main concerns. Deep down, Emily knew that wanting Hotch's approval isn't just based on a professional level – it is most definitely pushed on a personal level too. Although she would be damned if she let those thoughts creep into her mind again.

The last time she had let thoughts of a more personal relationship with Hotch creep into her mind, they had completely overwhelmed her. It had been a couple of months before the shit hit the fan with George Foyet. She would be lying if she said that she hadn't hoped for their friendship to progress to something more romantic. The signs had all been there, on her side and on his. They had spent countless lunch times together, and had even met up several times over weekends to have dinner and just spend time together. Something had definitely shifted between them, and their time together had gained a more intimate atmosphere – although they never actually shared intimate physical contact – despite how much she wished they had. But then Hotch had been hurt by Foyet, and Haley had been killed. That shut down all chances of their friendship ever progressing into a romance. She wouldn't let her hopes be raised again.

Her mind was wandering, she knew. Anything to put off the thoughts of finding a new place, and sealing the deal of her life back to in DC. Her life as Emily Prentiss. She would think about it, she decided as she moved back towards her desk. By the end of the day, either Hotch or her mother would have an invite to the apartment showings. Of course, both of them might be busy. She knew that with the holidays not too far away, her mother would be preparing some large and overly-fancy event. And Hotch? He might be spending the day doing something special with Jack. Or he may be spending the day with the woman Morgan had been speaking off recently – apparently Hotch had met someone in the park a few weeks ago.

/

"San Diego rape case," Prentiss said as she put the file down on Hotch's desk. "It's all done, just waiting for a witness statement to be sent over. Should be here tomorrow morning."

"Excellent," Hotch nodded as he opened the file and signed off on it. "Good work. Go home, it's late."

"I'm heading out now," Prentiss replied as she stepped back from her desk. "I called your friend back, by the way." She added, hoping that her motives for bring up this conversation weren't too see through. "He's going to show me a few places on Sunday."

"Oh, that's great," Hotch said with a small smile. "Just make sure you're honest with him about what you like and don't like. He can get a bit... Enthusiastic."

"I'll keep that in mind," Emily laughed softly.

"Are you bringing anyone along with you?" Hotch asked her, putting his pen down and closing the file in front of him. "It can be good to have a second opinion."

"Yeah, I was going to bring JJ but she's busy," Emily replied. "And Garcia will make me impulse buy, so it's best not to bring her! I was thinking of calling my mother, but spending the day having someone pick apart my life doesn't sound like much fun." She said with a small huff. She needn't explain to Hotch how irritating her mother could be. The man had to work with her for three months back in the day. He knew from firsthand experience.

"Well, if you'd like I could assist?" Hotch suggested. "Jessica could take Jack for the day, and I could help you? I do know Frank, so I'll be able to tell when he's spoofing on how great the apartment is." He added with a small smile.

"Oh, I don't want to inconvenience you," Emily tried to reply sincerely.

"Nonsense," Hotch shook his head, seeing the momentary look off hope in Emily's eyes at his suggested. He knew full well that Emily wanted his help. "I'm more than happy to do it."

"Uh, sure then," Emily replied after a moment. "That would be great. I would really appreciate the second opinion."


	5. Hotch, the Home Hunter

**A/N – This takes place Sunday! I was going to write about them actually seeing the apartments, but the specifications were boring me, so I figured they'd only bore you too! Please review, criticism most welcomed too! No account needed!**

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><p>"So what are you thinking?" Hotch asked as he pulled out of the parking space and onto the reasonably quiet street. "Price is within your range."<p>

"I just don't know about it," Emily replied with a shrug of her shoulders. "It didn't feel right."

Hotch tried his very best to keep his sigh internal, and to not show any outward behaviours of his frustration. Seven apartments. They had spent the day viewing seven different apartments around Arlington and DC that would suit Emily to the ground. Frank had stayed true to the requirements of what Emily wanted for the apartment; all seven they had viewed are within her price range, they are all two bedroom, animal friendly, close to work, and most importantly; safe and secure. But not one had tickled Emily's fancy. The second apartment and fifth apartment they had been shown were both very similar to the apartments Emily lived in previously, so why she hadn't 'connected' or 'clicked' with them, Hotch was unsure. "You've said that about all of the apartments we've seen today," He said in as understanding a tone he could muster. He was about two minutes away frustration wise from cracking out deep breaths and counting to ten.

"I don't know, Hotch," Emily said after a few moments. "If I'm going to be living there, I want it to be the right place. I don't want to regret buying it." _Technically_, that's the truth. She isn't _actually_ lying to him about why she isn't happy with any of the places they had seen today. She does want to feel comfortable in wherever she decides to move, but she could have happily seen herself living in at least four of those apartments. Two in particular had definitely caught her attention.

"Okay, that's fair," Hotch replied, doing his best to agree with her. She does have a point. If you're going to be spending a lot of money on a place to live, you should be happy with it. But he couldn't help but question her reasons for not being happy. In his opinion, she is being too dismissive. She isn't giving the apartments a chance, she isn't opening herself up to the possibility of a life in any of them. Of course, he wouldn't say that to her face. He's seen her hand-to-hand combat first hand. "Want to grab a coffee?"

"Sure," Emily nodded, turning back to look out the car window. Rather than concentrating on the obvious tension and frustration currently leaking from every pore in Hotch's body, she'd rather look at the houses they were driving by, and the raindrops running down the car window. Anything to distract herself from Hotch, really. She found her mind travelling to thoughts of him more and more since her return. She hated that. Whatever school-girl crush she had developed for him those few years ago was picking an awful time to rear its ugly head again. Emily knew it was probably just her subconscious trying to get her to cling to someone, cling to something that might help settle her down. Emotionally and physically. But after everything that had happened to the two of them over the past year or two, she knew that they were both too black and blue emotionally to actually try anything.

It didn't mean that she wasn't pleasantly surprised, and admittedly a little aroused, when Hotch had picked her up at JJ's house dressed in faded blue, almost skin-tight jeans. The man was born to be a jeans model, he just didn't know it. His lack of suit and tie also gave her the chance to mentally drool over his almost exposed upper body. The grey t-shirt which she had seen when he'd removed his matching pull-over a few times over the course of the day, was perfectly tight enough to show off the strong shape of his shoulders. Oh, and those forearms. What she wouldn't like to do with those strong looking arms...

"Emily?" Hotch said a little louder this time.

"Huh, what?" Emily snapped to attention, a slight blush tinting her cheeks. "Sorry, did you say something?"

"We're here," Hotch said with a gentle laugh. "I hope you were thinking really deeply about those apartments!"

"What else would I be thinking about?" Emily asked him as she unbuckled her belt and got out of his car. "I didn't know you went by 'Ron', by the way." She said almost teasingly as they stepped into the cafe together. She had been very surprised when Frank had greeted Hotch with an overly friendly 'Hiya Ron' and a bear hug. Hotch and hugging is something Emily would never really quite get her head around. He isn't a toucher, so even a handshake is rare from him. It was strange watching him interact with somebody outside of the office, other than his son or another family member. Because Jack and Jessica are the only people Emily has ever seen him talk to outside of their colleagues. She calls that side of Hotch's personality 'Family Hotch'. She's also split him into 'At work Hotch', 'On a case Hotch', and 'Off the clock but still strictly professional Hotch'. Now she had a new category to split his personality into 'Almost chatty and friendly Hotch' which he seemed to reserve for outside of work friends.

"Yeah, in High-school and university I went by Ron or Ronny," Hotch answered her as he stepped up to the counter and then ordered for both of them. He knew Emily would pick up on the name thing. Nobody outside of his school-mates called him Ron, so it would be a first for Emily to hear it. "I've a few nicknames."

"Care to share?" Emily asked him in a playful tone as they took their seats with the promise their coffees would be brought over. Technically she isn't supposed to be drinking coffee, but the lack of caffeine has been giving her headaches, so her ulcer would just have to deal.

"Hmmm. I go by Aaron to Haley's family, Dave, Strauss, and my brother," Hotch explained after careful consideration. "Hotch to our team – I got that nickname back in my SWAT days. And then..." He trailed off awkwardly as he considered his admission for a moment, "My mother calls me Pumpkin."

"Pumpkin?" Emily snorted and laughed. "I'm sorry," She apologised through her laughs, "I just really wasn't expecting that!"

"Yeah, well, if I hear it muttered around the office I'll know who to blame," Hotch huffed playfully as he accepted his coffee from the waitress. "This is my favourite place to get coffee." He told her after taking a long drink of the hot warm drink. He really needed coffee after today. As much as he enjoys time spent with Emily, especially time spent with Emily outside of work, she frustrated him to no end.

"It's nice," Emily replied as she looked around. "Family owned?"

"One of the few cafes left in DC that isn't franchised," Hotch nodded. "I've been coming here for years. Mostly after training."

"Oh yeah, how's that going for you?" Emily asked him. She had heard from Dave that Hotch had taken up triathlon training. What she really wanted to know is how the man fit it into his schedule. Between working at the BAU and being a single father who seemingly dedicated every spare second of his life to his son, triathlon training didn't really fit. It seemed a little out of character for him too. But then again, she'd spent several months 'dead' and out of the loop. Maybe his character had changed a lot while she was gone.

"Well enough," Hotch shrugged his shoulders. "It's hard finding time to fit it in. I've been doing most of my training during lunch time, or at the weekend when Jack is at his Arts and Crafts class. It's hard to get motivated about it, if I'm honest. It seemed like a good idea when I signed up."

"I can barely crawl out of bed at the weekends," Emily chuckled softly. "I wouldn't be able to get up and run or cycle. But then again, I don't know a pretty brunette who's motivating me." She said in a teasing tone, but was more nosy than anything else.

For a moment Hotch felt like his heart had stopped beating. Had Emily copped on to his feelings and slow advances already? _Beth. _He thanked God an image of Beth flashed in his mind before he said something stupid that would reveal his feelings for Emily. "Dave told you about Beth then?" Hotch asked with a shy smile.

"He did," Emily nodded her head. "Love on the cards for Agent Hotchner?"

"Only in Dave's dreams," Hotch shook his head. "Beth is just a friend, despite Dave desperately wanting it to be more. Apparently he thinks if I get laid I'll stop being such a hard ass in the office." Hotch said rolling his eyes. "Typical Dave."

"His advice can be surprisingly helpful though," Emily admitted, secretly delighted that this _Beth_ woman is no more than just a friend. She could reprimand herself later for getting jealous.

"That's true," Hotch agreed. "Maybe he could give you some helpful advice on apartment hunting? It seems I wasn't much help today. Did you think any of the apartments might be suitable?"

"They would all be suitable," Emily said after a few moments. She felt like she owed Hotch an explanation as to why she didn't want to move. He had opened up to her several times over the course of the day, and had given her snippets of his life outside of the BAU that he'd normally keep private. It would be almost an insult to him if she kept shutting him out. All he was trying to do is help her.

"Is there a specific reason you're putting off finding a new home, Emily?" Hotch asked her seriously, sensing her walls had been weakened a little. He knew, although would never admit this to Emily, that she worked on a bit of a give-take sharing process. If you give to her, she accepts it as her taking or receiving something from you, and is then almost obligated to give something back. A part of him did feel guilty having this information and using it against her. But the larger part of him is just so desperate to get into her head that he shoved all guilt aside. It's in her better interest if he probes, or so he keeps convincing himself.

"I just..." She trailed off, trying to think of the right words. She didn't want to come off as weak or anything less than whole. "It's nice having someone to come home to." She finally admitted to him, not even daring to look him in the eyes. "I know that Will and Henry aren't my family, they're JJ's. But it's still nice to come home to people. To have someone to talk to about your day, to share dinner with. Before... Before everything with Doyle, I was content in being independent. Having a place to myself is actually something I cherished. But since seeing Declan, and Ian again... It's making me remember how nice it was to have a sort of family. Even though I knew at the time it was temporary."

Hotch's eyes threatened to burn with the tears he felt pricking them. Her confession tugged at his heart, because it has always been clear as day that Emily was born to be a mother. To be someone's significant other. The love and compassion she always displayed towards children who are involved in whatever case they worked, always knocked him a little. And even though Emily has never outright said it to him, although he suspected she may have shared this with JJ, he knew that children are something Emily desperately wanted to have. "I know how that feels." Hotch said quietly, his tone matching the mood of the conversation. "When Haley left with Jack... When we got divorced and I had to buy an apartment... Coming home everyday to an empty place - no child running to greet me, no wife to kiss hello – it hurts. It's lonely, it's sad, and it's depressing. I understand how you feel, Emily. If you ever want to have that, have a family waiting at your home, you need to start looking. You need to try and settle yourself back into DC. The Will I, Won't I game you're playing with yourself isn't ever going to give you what you want. It's just going to delay it."

"I know that," Emily sighed as she studied her almost empty cup of coffee. "I know that the longer I put this all off, the worse it's going to get. I know I'm not going to be able to really start my life back up again if I continue to live in JJ's spare. I'm in half minds, Hotch. I want to settle back down. I want the security of having my own home, having my own friends, and having my own job. But I'm worried that if I get all of that back, what if something comes along to take it away again? I mean, right now I've got pretty much nothing to lose. No home, strained and damaged friendships, and a job I'm not entirely sure I want anymore. I've nothing to lose."

"You have everything to lose," Hotch insisted. "You could lose your dreams, Emily, and that's the worst thing that could happen. You've told me that you have no more skeletons in your closet. There are no more Ian Doyles waiting to strike. The only thing that could hinder what you really want, is you. You can always change jobs if you're not happy in the BAU. You're educated and have experience, employment will never be trouble for you. Your friendships are strained. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that everything is perfectly fine in that department. But they will get better. In fact, I think you finding a new apartment will help repair those friendships. If the others see that you've bought a new place, planted new roots, it'll give them a sense that you're not going to be leaving again. Time heals all wounds, Emily, you know that." He said softly, wanting to engage her physically with a simple squeeze of her hand, but knew he shouldn't.

How Hotch always managed to say the right thing, to know the right path to take, Emily would never know. His words hurt. They hurt her in the sense that it made everything seem so clear, so obvious, yet she isn't able to see it herself. Even though her future and the right path to go down is still foggy, she knew deep down that Hotch is right. The only thing that's hindering her right now, is herself. "I liked the second apartment we saw," She said quietly after a few minutes. "And the fifth one too. The one with the hot tub bath."

Hotch smiled and finished his coffee in silence. He'd made a step in the right direction with her, and she had made several steps in the right direction too. "I thought those two were nice, too."


	6. Hot Tub Parties & Jack the Helper

**A/N – Here we have the next installment! Only took a week to get up this time! My time is getting quicker! Please leave a review if you've read (No account needed!). All comments, good and bad, are motivation for me to write and improve. Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>December<strong>

"So, are the rumors true?"

"What?" Emily replied looking up from the file she had been concentrating on. "Sorry, I missed that." She apologized to Hotch who was looking at her in amusement.

"Are the rumors true?" Hotch repeated as he dragged Reid's empty chair from it's desk over beside Emily's. The rest of the team is long gone. He planned to leave within the next few minutes, hopefully getting home in time to have a late dinner with Jack. It didn't surprise him that Emily is the only one left in the darkened bullpen, her lamp the only thing illuminating the room. He took a very brief and discrete moment to appreciate how the light gave her skin a gentle glow. An almost divine glow. "Whispers around the office tell me that you've bought an apartment."

"Whispers as in Dave?" Emily chuckled softly, closing the file in front of her. Hotch usually left the office a few minutes before she did, always coming down to say a few words to her before he left for the night. She enjoyed these few private moments with him. It felt like she got to see a side of him he reserved for outside of the office. It almost made her feel special.

"He was almost gleeful when he mentioned a possible house-warming party!" Hotch joked dryly. Admittedly he had actually felt a little hurt when he heard the news from Dave. He had expected Emily to come to him first to tell him about buying a new place seeing as he had spent a whole day looking for a new home with her.

"Yeah, I probably shouldn't have mentioned I was thinking of having a small get together," Emily rolled her eyes. "Of course, as soon as Pen got word the small get together suddenly turned into a full blown party. I haven't even moved into the place yet and she's getting her feathers in a fuss!" She chuckled softly. Despite Garcia's almost over-bearing tendencies, Emily loves her to pieces. Penelope is definitely a little bit of brightness in her day.

"Uh, which place did you decide on?" Hotch asked, clearing his throat a little awkwardly. "One we saw together or…?" He trailed off in question.

"Yeah, it's the place with the hot tub," Emily grinned at him. "It was a tough choice between the second place we saw, and the fifth. Obviously the hot-tub was a winning point. God, I feel like a bit of an ass right now." Emily exclaimed suddenly. "I should have told you first. You did, after all, waste a whole Sunday looking with me. Sorry about that, Hotch. I wasn't thinking." She apologized sincerely.

"Don't worry about it," Hotch shook his head. "I'm just glad you found a place you like and want to move into. When's the big move in date?"

"Officially own the place now," Emily replied as she pulled a key chain from her handbag. "Got the keys yesterday afternoon. A couple of the rooms need some fixing up before I move in though. I need to repaint the whole place, and the bathroom needs to be retiled. Nothing too major. Everything going to plan, and us not having any out of state cases, I hope to move in the weekend after next."

"That's great," Hotch beamed, a large and two dimpled smile. He honestly is happy that Emily is finally settling down again. Getting an apartment is the first large step to getting her old life back together. He is delighted for her. "Of course, if you need any help I'd be more than happy to help with any fixing up. I'm a decent enough painter." He said calmly but his tone didn't match his feelings. The idea of spending a little more time alone with Emily really excited him. The past few weeks since he first knocked on her door during that case in Wyoming, he really felt like something has been shifting between them.

The feeling is similar to how he felt about their relationship two years ago. He had felt that they'd really grown close. They had been spending more time together during work, and even had the odd meeting for dinner at the weekend. He had held back from a relationship with her, though. Back then he cared too much about his reputation, he cared too much about their working relationship, and he cared too much about Haley. The ink was barely dry on their divorce; emotionally he just wasn't ready to be with Emily. As much as he wanted to be, he knew that a relationship with Emily would be something life changing. He just hadn't been ready for that. His life had changed enough in such a short space of time, anymore would throw him completely off balance. And then when he finally felt that maybe they could give things a shot, Foyet took one of the most important things in his life from him. He took Haley. Despite them being divorced, she would always be his first love. She would always be the woman who stood by his side through almost everything. She would always be the mother of his son. Losing her felt like losing a limb. Any relationship with Emily after that was too hard. He couldn't be with her romantically. He couldn't be friends with her because all he wanted was more. She was too much temptation. He could hardly work with her, because he now realized that he couldn't always stop the bad guys. He wouldn't always be able to save the people he loves. So working as her partner became almost impossible. Too many close calls happened, and he couldn't seem to keep his head clear enough to do his job while he worried about Emily's safety.

Of course, then that bastard Ian Doyle came out of the woodwork. Doyle coming back to haunt Emily isn't his fault, he knew and accepted that. But not recognizing that something was bothering Emily is his fault. Had he not been concentrating so hard on keeping her from his thoughts, he would have noticed something was up. He would have seen the personality changes. He would have caught on to the tension that had been radiating off of her. In hindsight, Emily was an open book back then. Had he stopped for just a moment to really look at her, he could have figured out something was wrong. He could have stopped Doyle in his tracks before things got too out of hand. Maybe he could have saved her before he had to kill her. Because, essentially, isn't that what he had done? He killed Emily. He may not have been the one to inflict the pain and injuries on her, but he had been the one who decided she would 'die'. He had sent her to the grave, not Doyle.

"You still there, Hotch?" Emily asked playfully as Hotch seemed to get pulled into his own mind. She'd seen this happen many times before. He would get a distant and intense look on his face while his mind reeled with information on the subject he was thinking over. She loves this face. She loved the intensity behind it.

"Yes, sorry," He shook his head slowly, as if trying to shake the thoughts from his head. "What did you say?"

"I was just thanking you for your offer of help," Emily explained. "I really appreciate all the help you've given me with finding a new home. But Derek's already said he would give me a hand. He's pretty experienced in the department of fixing up places, so I figure he's my best bet."

"Oh…" Hotch trailed off slowly, his hopes and expectations of spending this weekend with her dashed. "Yes, he will probably be a lot more help than me." He said as he stood up abruptly. He couldn't stop the feeling, and he couldn't help feeling it. Jealousy started pumping through his body. The idea of another man helping her when it should be him, made him jealous. He'd put it down to his alpha-male tendencies. He knew that, logically, Derek and Emily's relationship is plutonic and always would be. But it didn't stop the inner caveman coming out. "Listen, I've got to get going." He said picking up his briefcase. "I'll see you tomorrow night, Prentiss." The sound of using her second name leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

"Goodnight, Hotch." Emily smiled at him, completely unaware that he was feeling jealous, or anything other than his normal mood. "I'll see you tomorrow." She called to his back, before returning to the file on her desk.

* * *

><p><strong>That Weekend. <strong>

"Going to be hosting anymore hot-tub parties?" Derek asked with a cheeky grin as he accepted the beer Emily was holding out to him.

"Might have a few," Emily shrugged her shoulders. "You know my hot-tub party rule though, right?"

"And what would that be?" Derek smirked at her.

"No bathing suits," Emily grinned. "My hot tub parties are naked hot tub parties. I honestly don't think you would be able to handle it."

"Oh yeah?" Derek asked with a raise of his eyebrows. "I have a feeling I'd be able to handle it if there's you and a couple other pretty ladies in here." He said with a wink.

"Pity you're still _so_ not invited!" Emily teased as she sat down on the closed toilet seat. "Thank you again for helping me out." She said as she watched him get back to work on the floor tiles. "I really couldn't have done this without you. The painting Hotch and I could have done. But the tiling? I don't think he's any better at it than me!"

"You and Hotch?" Derek asked, putting the tile in his hand down. Now his attention was spiking. His baby girl had pointed out at JJ's Halloween get together that Hotch and Emily seemed to be spending a lot of time together in quiet corners. Honestly, he hadn't noticed. The single mother who lives next door to JJ had admittedly, distracted him. At first he thought Penelope was simply going a little mad. Hotch and Emily? In Derek's mind there's no chance of that. Hotch is Emily's boss. And he's dating that chick he met a few weeks ago. Well, that's at least what Derek had thought until he began to notice things about them. Like for instance, he had noticed Hotch and Emily grabbing lunch together down in the canteen a few times. Now, had it been any other member of any team with Emily, he wouldn't have looked twice. But this is Hotch. The man barely took time to eat lunch on a slow day, so to see him actively participating in a mealtime was out of character. But the smile on his face had been even more out of character. Derek isn't too sure what's going on between them, but there's definitely something they aren't clueing everyone else in on.

"Yeah, he offered to help out," Emily told Derek. "He got me in contact with his friend who's a real estate agent – the real estate agent who helped me buy this place."

"Oh right," Derek trailed off, not quite sure what else to say. "You and Hotch have been spending a lot of time together lately?" He asked her as casually as possible.

"Not really," Emily shrugged in response. "He helped with the apartment thing, but that's about it. He has been a little more engaging lately though." She admitted. "I think it's because of what happened to me with Doyle. You know what Hotch is like. He takes on responsibility that he shouldn't. I think he's just checking in now and again to make sure I'm doing okay. He doesn't want another rogue agent on his team."

"Mmmm. I get that," Derek nodded, turning his attention back to the tiling. The lunch meets between Hotch and Emily suddenly made complete sense. Derek knew that Hotch still felt guilty about what happened with Elle. He's obviously redoubling his efforts in keeping tabs on his agents to make sure nothing like that happens again on his watch. "How are you doing?" Derek asked her after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"I'm doing good," Emily replied lying, although it not being too far from the truth. She was starting to feel better. Her place in life starting to become clearer. "It's just taking time to readjust. I'm doing well though. How… How are you doing?"

"You'll always be my girl, Em." Derek turned and grinned at her. "Even if you won't invite me to your hot-tub parties. I know I was tough on you when you first came back. I was just shocked. I thought I lost you, and then to have you back? I honestly didn't know how to feel. Happy, obviously, but still a little hurt, a little betrayed. The latter more so with Hotch than you."

"You and Hotch are okay though, right?" Emily asked worriedly. She hated to think that Hotch was getting any of the blame in this whole messed up situation. He was forced into making the decision to 'kill' her by her own past. He had been involuntarily thrown into the messy situation. The man had enough weight to carry on his shoulders without adding her crap to it.

"As you said, it takes time to readjust," Derek said after a few moments of deep thought. "I get why he did what he did. I'm glad he did it, too. It took you out of danger. I was just hurt that he didn't trust me with the information. I would have kept it secret. I wouldn't have done anything to put your life at risk. It irritates me that Hotch didn't understand that. You and I were partners for a long time, I deserved to know. I mean, why JJ? She's the most likely on the team to break under pressure." Derek said almost spitefully. He had never been able to see eye to eye with JJ since Reid had been abducted. He knew, logically speaking, that what happened wasn't JJ's fault. Even Reid had told him that it wasn't her fault. But since then things had never been quite the same between them. They didn't generally partner together, and their social lives never really crossed paths all that much. He loves JJ, of course. He'd die protecting her. But of all the team, he didn't trust her abilities like he trusted the rest of them.

"Hey, that's not fair," Emily replied instantly, not willing to let JJ get put down either. "She did an amazing job. She was the one with the connections to fake my death successfully. She's also a great Agent. I trusted, and still do trust her with my life."

"I know, I know," Derek sighed. He drained his beer, hoping by the time he had the slight tension in the room would be gone. They were walking into dangerous territory here. "So why blue?" He asked her finally. "I think black floor tiles would have looked much better in here…"

"The kitchen is black tile," Emily replied logically. "I didn't want the whole apartment to be black. Too morbid. That, and my therapist is really into color-therapy."

"You're seeing a therapist?" Derek asked, his eyebrows arching in surprise. Emily Prentiss seeing a therapist is not something he thought would happen. As much as he loves the woman, he always thought her to be too damn stubborn to see a professional.

"You're not?" Emily replied playfully.

* * *

><p><strong>A few days later<strong>

"Really, Derek, it's okay," Emily said softly, squeezing the man's rock hard upper arm. "Don't even worry about it."

"I'm really sorry, Em," Derek replied, completely sincere. He poured them both a cup of coffee, fixing Emily's just how she likes it. "I wish I could help out. I already promised Mamma Morgan I'd be home for the weekend, though."

"Seriously, don't worry about it," Emily said giving him a bright smile. "You've been more than enough help as it is. I owe you so many drinks at this stage." She joked.

"That I'll agree with!" Derek grinned at her. "An invite to a hot-tub party would suffice. In all seriousness though, maybe you could ask one of the other guys to help out?" Derek suggested. "I'm sure Rossi has nothing planned for this weekend."

"Can you really see Dave helping me out?" Emily asked, her eyebrows arching in question.

"Okay, so maybe not Rossi!" Derek laughed. "What about Hotch?"

"What about Hotch, what?" Hotch asked as he stepped into the break-room area, having caught the tail-end of Emily and Derek's conversation. "No sugar, please." He said to Emily who had instantly began making him a cup of coffee.

"Em needs someone to help her move all of her crap," Derek replied with a smirk as Emily shot him a filthy. He knew full well that she didn't like her things to be referred to as crap. "I'm going to be in Chicago this weekend so I can't help. Rossi wouldn't be any use, and I'd like to see Reid attempting to lift anything heavier than a book." Derek explained jokingly to Hotch.

"Oh right," Hotch replied slowly. "I'm more than willing to help you out, Emily. Between the two of us we should be able to transport your things." He said as he took the coffee she held out to him. "Thanks."

"I'mma leave you two to sort all of this out," Derek interrupted before leaving the duo.

"You've done so much already, Hotch," Emily shook her head. "I feel bad asking you to help even more."

"I'm offering," Hotch insisted, then took a small sup of his coffee – made exactly how he liked it, something only Emily seemed able to do.

"Problem is, most of the stuff that needs transporting is clothes," Emily told him. "So I don't really need help with that. I have so much furniture being delivered, most of which needs putting together, which is what I need the help with. It'll probably take up a whole day, possibly longer. I can't ask that of you. You've got your triathlon in a few weeks, and you've got Jack."

"Heavy lifting will be like training," Hotch shrugged his shoulders. "And Jack will be more than happy to 'help' us out. He enjoys your company."

"I mean, I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth," Emily said after a few moments of thinking about it. "If you really don't mind…"

"I really don't," Hotch replied sincerely. "What day and what time?"

"Saturday?" Emily asked him and Hotch nodded. "I suppose… About noon? It'll take me that long to get my clothes and things from JJ's to the new place. We could meet at the new apartment. Do you remember where it is?"

"I've got the address," Hotch nodded. "Do you need me to bring anything?"

"Uh, just yourself, I guess," Emily shrugged. "Oh, and maybe a toolkit if you have one? I know Will has a few hammers and screwdrivers he's lending me, but I'm not sure what exactly we'll need."

"Myself and a toolkit," Hotch replied with a small smile. "I better get going." He said checking his watch. "Meeting with Strauss in ten."

* * *

><p><strong>Saturday <strong>

"Jack, sweetie, could you pass me that bottle of water?" Emily asked the little boy who had been all but glued to her side all afternoon.

"Sure thing, Miss Emily," Jack nodded happily, skipping over to the counter-top where the bottle of water lay waiting. "Here ya go."

"Thanks," Emily smiled brightly. Jack's friendly and helpful nature always surprises her. Most of her experience with children is work-based, so she's used to upset, depressed, and unhappy children. Spending time with such a happy little boy like Jack, really made her happy. Spending time with Henry is great too, but he's still quite young at just turned three, and not as easy to carry a conversation with. Jack's at an age where he's old enough to talk to you about slightly more complex topics, and for a longer period of time. "You've been such a great help today." She said high-fiving him.

"So has Dad," Jack reminded her, always a little in awe of his father.

"So has your Dad," Emily chuckled softly. "Hopefully he'll be back with the pizzas soon. I'm starved."

"Me too," Jack agreed dramatically, a very un-Hotch like characteristic. "This place is really nice." Jack commented as he looked around. "Dad said it's only a few minutes from our house."

"So I believe," Emily nodded her head and then took a long drink of water. She is exhausted from all the lifting, directing, and putting together they had done today. "I have yet to be invited to your new house." Emily said teasingly as she gave Jack a gentle poke and tickle.

"You can come over whenever you want," Jack said with a large grin on his face. "We have swings in the back garden and you can go on 'em with me." He said excitedly at the prospect. "And I can show you my new room. It's so cool."

"I think I'm a bit big for the swings!" Emily laughed. "I could watch you on them though?"

"Nuh-uh," Jack shook his head quickly. "Dad goes on the swings with me all the time. He's way bigger than you."

"He does, does he?" Emily smiled, happy to have a new bit of ammo against Hotch should she ever need it. The idea of him swigging is an exceptionally cute one, though. "So, tell me, what is Santa bringing you for Christmas?"

"A Wii!" Jack replied as he bounced in excitement.

"_Hopefully a Wii_," Emily and Jack heard Hotch call from the kitchen. "Pizza is here, guys."

"Thanks, Hotch," Emily grinned as she took the plate of food he was holding out to her. "For pizza and for helping. You too, Jack. You guys are the best."


	7. Smoking and an almost kiss

"Tonight's going well," Dave commented to Hotch after clinking glasses.

"It is," Hotch agreed, taking a small sip of his whiskey, letting the burning sensation take effect.

"Could have been a disaster," Dave continued. "Reid and Morgan haven't exactly been taking any of this well."

"Everything was fine at your pasta lesson," Hotch replied, not really interested in having a deep and meaningful conversation with Dave right now. He could see the night is going well. He could see that everyone is getting along. He didn't need Dave pointing it out to him. What he really wanted to concentrate on is Emily. Everyone else might be oblivious to her actions, but he sure as hell isn't. She's over-compensating. The way she's running around tonight, fussing over everyone – specifically Morgan and Reid. How it isn't obvious to Dave is beyond Hotch.

"Good food heals relationships," Dave shrugged, a smile playing on his face. "How's Beth?"

Hotch kept his sigh internal, despite the almost over-whelming urge to let Dave know he's not in the mood for talking. "She's fine," He said dismissively. "I'm going to use the bathroom." He said excusing himself.

"Ah, Pen has just gone in there," Emily apologized to Hotch as she walked past him. "There's an en-suite just off my room if you want to use that one?"

"I'll wait," Hotch replied as he let Emily take his empty glass. "Are you having fun tonight?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess," Emily said as she walked into the kitchen to pour Hotch another drink. "I find it hard to relax when I'm entertaining, there's always someone to attend to." She could probably blame her upbringing and her mother's nagging attitude for her party anxieties.

"Everyone's having a good time, I think you can take a minute," Hotch suggested as he took the whiskey bottle from Emily's hand and poured himself a drink. "Want one?"

"Yeah, go on then," Emily nodded as she grabbed a fresh glass from the counter behind her and slid it over to Hotch. "Thanks." She smiled as she took the glass and took a drink. "How's Jack? Christmas is next week." Sometimes, although Emily would never admit it to Hotch, she brought up Jack simply so she could see the light and happiness burn in Hotch's eyes. The truly joyful side to Hotch only ever came out when Jack is mentioned.

"He's… Hyped," Hotch replied smiling. "Tuesday is his last day in school, and I quote 'it's gunna be so awesome to have a lie in'." Hotch chuckled. "I haven't broken it to him yet that I'm in work until Friday, so he'll still have to get up at the normal time."

"Poor kid!" Emily openly laughed, finishing her drink and pouring another. She couldn't be more thankful to Hotch for giving her an excuse to take a couple moments away from the team. She's exhausted though, entertaining really does take it out of her. She's not avoiding, _no not at all_. "Although, what's a lie in to him? He's probably up by 11am on weekends anyway."

"Try 9am," Hotch shook his head slowly. "A child's lie in is not what an adult would consider lying in."

"9am?" Emily asked him, her eyes widening. "That's early! I thought I had it bad, Sergio needs to be let out about half ten every morning."

"Half ten?" Hotch snorted. "Jack and I are halfway through his first soccer game of the morning by then!"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Emily replied playfully. "You have it the worst. My woes are nothing compared to yours." She said with a smile. The room fell into a comfortable silence between them. Emily relaxed back against her kitchen counter, sighing quietly as she thought about going back into the living room and entertaining again. Pretending everything is A-Okay is exceptionally exhausting.

"Still smoke?" Hotch asked after a few moments. He could hear the frustration in Emily's sigh, see the tension in her shoulders and stance. He could remember back to when Haley and Jack were in protective custody, and the same frustration and tension surrounded him. Asides from the almost constant feeling of guilt and worry, he experienced an overwhelming exhaustion from trying to pretend to everyone else that he was doing fine. Hotch could only imagine how much harder it must be for Emily. At least everyone was used to him not smiling or being in the nicest of forms all of the time. He could almost get away with bad temperament back then. Emily, on the other hand, is expected to smile and make jokes. She's expected to be lighthearted and happy.

"Trying to quit," Emily replied with a small smile directed at the glass in her hands. "Admittedly not trying too hard."

"Want to take a break?" Hotch suggested to her. "Have a quick one outside with me?"

"You smoke?" Emily asked him, doubt laced in her tone. She never expected Hotch to be a smoker. When he actually stopped working and took time to eat, it was always healthy crap. He looked after himself physically too. Emily had always pegged him to be a bit of a health freak.

"The odd one," Hotch nodded, a smile gracing his features. "Surprised?"

"Very," Emily chuckled quietly as she grabbed a well hidden pack of Marlboros and a lighter before leading Hotch to the fire exit by her apartment. Although the exit is only supposed to be used in cases of emergency, one of her new neighbours had told her that everyone uses the fire escape as a smoking section. "Split one?" She suggested. "Half the chance of cancer?"

"Sure," Hotch replied as he watched Emily light up. He couldn't help watching her lips as she took a puff of the cigarette before passing it to him. Hotch took a long drag of the cigarette, which he noted as a mistake immediately. He isn't used to smoking, it's some fifteen years since his last cigarette, and apparently he had forgotten how to smoke without looking like a fool. He tried to cough as discreetly as possible, but could tell from the smirk on Emily's face that he hadn't gotten away with it. "It's been a while." He said in explanation, passing the cigarette back to her.

"Clearly," She said with a laugh. "I needed this." She said in a slow sigh.

"Today's been stressful for you," Hotch stated rather than questioned.

"Mmmm, it has been," Emily agreed.

"How have you been doing?" Hotch asked her. "Are you feeling a little more settled now?"

"I am," Emily nodded after a few moments. "It's just…" She began to say, but then faltered.

"Tell me," Hotch encouraged quietly, unconsciously taking a step towards her so that he was now standing close enough to her that his left arm brushed against hers. "I'm here to listen, Emily."

The emotion and gentleness in Hotch's voice caught Emily by surprise. His closeness to her, surprised her too. Yeah, the fire escape wasn't big, but it wasn't small enough that he had to stand so close to her, either. But despite her normal reluctance at having a male stand so close to her - Doyle and his branding could be blamed for that - she felt oddly safe and comforted having Hotch this close by. "It's just hard to find my place again," Emily finally replied, defeat in her tone. "I'm settling back in, I'm back working at the Bureau and I have my own place again. It feels like life is still moving on without me, though. I'm desperately trying to be the Emily I was before all of this happened, and as I'm trying to be her, everyone else is changing and growing and I'm just… Trying to be back in the past. It's unsettling. I don't know who I'm supposed to be." She said quietly, feeling the tears sting her eyes. "Even tonight, people keep commenting on the apartment and how I've decorated it - saying it's not how they thought I'd do it up. And it's not. The colour schemes and patterns are what I like now, but nothing like what I would have chosen before. I don't understand who they want me to be? Do they want me to pretend the Doyle thing never happened, and act like the old Emily? Or do they want the Emily I've become because of what happened? I just, I just don't know anymore."

The pain in Emily's voice broke Hotch's heart. He didn't know what to do or say to make her feel better. All he wanted to do is to take her into his arms and promise her that one day everything will be fine. To promise her that he'd take care of it for her. But he couldn't. Emily had soul finding to do, and he couldn't help with that. He could listen to her when she needed to vent, but he couldn't sway her in her choice of who she is. That has to be all her doing. "I'm sorry you're finding this so difficult," Hotch said softly. "I wish I had the answers for you. I hate seeing you this upset."

"I'm not upset," Emily replied defensively. "Smoking just makes my eyes water."

"Sure," Hotch nodded after a moment. "All I can tell you is that it'll take time. It'll take time to realise who you want and need to be. I promise you that…" He trailed off as he brushed a stray bang from her face, his actions not just surprising her, but himself too. "I promise you that, whoever you decided to be, whichever Emily you feel comfortable being, we're going to love you for it. We're going to love that Emily." He said in no more than a whisper. If Hotch had of been thinking clearly, he would have stopped his actions there. He wouldn't have leaned in closer to her, his head tilting downwards so his lips would get closer to hers. He wouldn't have continued his descent to her lips, because he would have known that it wasn't the right time yet. But all rationality had left him when he heard the pain in her tone just moments before. He wanted to fix her, and in his currently irrational state of mind, he thought a kiss might just do that.

"Ho-Hotch," Emily stuttered as she pulled back from him. She realised what Hotch's physical actions were leading to, just a moment too late. His warm breath could already be felt on her lips when she finally yanked her body back from his. She could see confusion written on his face. Then that was replaced with guilt. And then regret. The regret hurt her the most. Despite not being ready to kiss him right now, she hoped that someday she would be. Her feelings for Hotch ran far deeper than she'd like to admit, and from his actions just now, she believed he likes her a lot more than just a colleague or friend, too. But their mutual feelings for each other doesn't change the fact that she isn't ready. "I…"

"I'm sorry," Hotch cut across her quickly. The sooner he got inside, the sooner he could make his excuses to go home. And as soon as he is home, he could berate himself for acting so stupidly. He obviously isn't in his right mind at the moment. "I don't know… I… We should get back inside." He stuttered, a state of panic setting in as he realised the many ways in which the almost-kiss could destroy Emily. Could destroy their relationship.

"Sure, back inside," Emily nodded her head. "Good idea."

* * *

><p><strong>A.N - I suck at updating, I know! I'm sorry it takes me so long to get these updates up. College has been killing me lately, and I've exams starting next week which doesn't leave me much time for writing. Oh, and I've a part-time job now so that takes up so much time too! I promise that once the Summer holidays come, I'll be updating more frequently! Please, please leave a review. It definitely motivates me to write more when I know that people are bothering to read this fic and are (hopefully) enjoying it!<strong>


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